I think there are misconceptions about real self love. I have always been a fairly confident person and I like who I am. What I didn’t realize until recently is that all this time I never really fell in love with myself.
Now, I know this sounds all cheesy and dumb but hear me out. I grew up feeling like I was confident because I thought I was funny, kind, pretty, smart, thoughtful and ambitious. I liked who I was and I had good friends. What would make me think that I didn't love myself?
The thing is, I never really took the time to fall in love with myself and there is SUCH a difference. There were a lot of life lessons I had to learn the hard way to get to where I am now, so let’s start at the beginning.
Back in high school I thought I was pretty but I never really thought I was good enough. I never felt thin enough, or trendy enough, or cool enough. I wouldn’t even go a day without wearing makeup. I thought I was pretty, but I wasn’t unconditionally in love with myself.
Makeup was the first wall that got taken down. I stopped wearing it all the time in college and gained a lot of confidence. The issue was that I was still relying on others to make me feel like I was good enough. I feel like college was one big transitional stage of life for me.
Now, we are running through the highlight reel of walls taken down but trust me there were a lot more. The next main wall was the one where I relied on others to feel good about myself. I kind of knew that I did this, but it wasn’t until someone whose opinion I really valued said something that ruined me a little. They told me I was cute and not sexy. This seems like a silly comment to upset me and become a pivotal moment, but this is when I realized I needed to stop relying on other people to make myself feel special. P.S. Never forget how SEXY you are.
When I graduated college I learned a lot about what I really wanted in life. I moved to Charleston, which we all know was a dream of mine. The reality was that I had to learn to be the love I needed for myself because I wasn’t going to get it from anyone else. I spent a lot of my life compromising the things I wanted for others to be happy. I really wanted people to like me.
This past year has been a series of learning and growing as a person for me and the most impactful lesson I learned was self love. To always choose myself. If I don’t choose me, why would anyone else? I started to only think about what makes me happy. I started surrounding myself with people who love me for who I am and make me a better person.
I realized that I made it to this point of true self love when I noticed that I started getting excited to hang out with myself (as my brother & sister would say, I am my own best friend lol). Sounds pathetic, but honestly, it is the most freeing and happy feeling I have ever experienced. I owe no one my time. I can do whatever I want with my time. I get to binge watch all the Twilight movies in two days. I can listen to Taylor Swift for 5 hours on a long car ride and no one will stop me. I have the ability to decorate my room however I want to decorate it. I can take a bath with candles and eat cookie dough any night of the week. I am lucky enough to have so many friends to hang out with whenever I please. I have the motivation to focus on my business whenever I can. I have the privilege of being able to dance and do what I love. My time is mine.
That feeling of being in love, being excited and seeing all the good is how I finally feel about myself. I didn’t even know this was a feeling I needed before, but I honestly could not be happier about this stage of my life.
Hot summer rain is one of my favorite simple pleasures. The smell of the humid air and the fresh rain on pavement. The hug of humidity that comes with the calming sound of the drops on a roof. There is nothing better. It is this feeling of comfort and peace that I finally feel with myself.
I am writing this to remind everyone that no one is perfect and everyone deals with their own demons on their own time.
Always find the good.
Love yourself, you are wonderful.
xoxo ~ Shelby
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